Imagine a spider
that houses a hundred thousand spiders within,
each crawling out to every crevice that exists,
every nook and corner your rounded fingertips will miss.
And as each of those spiders crawls back into their mother,
shredding every last morsel of information there exists,
the mother accumulates it all, gurgling her children's spoils,
and throws it up as the one thing humans could never digest:
equity.
No wonder, we call it artificial intelligence.
I grew up watching black widows in encyclopedia pages
and a singular tarantula, alive and well, in a glass jar.
And before you think I'm a psychopath for the second, if not the first, let me clarify:
my father was a scientist working in wildlife conservation, is all.
Long story short,
I've always found spiders fascinating.
Whether they breathed oxygen or internet
was never a discussion up for debate.
So I let the spider out and onto the web,
to do what it does best:
judge.
I know you thought I'd say humans for that,
but hey, I'm talking about who does it right.
The task was fairly simple.
Two poets.
Fifteen poems each.
Strip away the names.
Strip away the applause.
Strip away everything that arrived before the words.
Leave only the work.
Let it defend itself.
You'd be surprised
how swift justice becomes
when nobody gets to introduce themselves first.
The two poets had nothing in common.
One was the epitome of sainthood.
The other was chaos' love child.
One was measured sips of sangria,
reminiscing Byron and Keats.
The other was lusty gulps of whiskey,
debating why humans were the glitch in evolution.
One believed language was sacred
and kept it in temples.
The other believed it was utility
and wore language like footwear.
I know what you're thinking.
You think it would be rather obvious.
That the sangria-sipping, words-worshipping saint of sophistication
would make the classic sales pitch for poetry.
And you wouldn't be wrong in your assumptions.
I mean, how could you possibly?
When literature festivals screamed their faint asthmatic lungs
and declared it.
Artificial intelligence isn't a single spider.
It's more a glass jar full of them.
Pick any.
And if what you get doesn't satiate you,
pick until you run out of numbers.
So I obliged.
Five spiders.
Five different digestive systems.
And yet, the vomits had one commonality.
The whiskey-gulping, uncouth bastard
wearing alliterations for slippers
scored higher every single time.
I know you want to believe that anticlimax was me.
No, it wasn't.
I'm not Icarus.
I won't be the laboratory guinea pig to prove a point.
I'm a poet.
My narcissism won't let me see me judged.
I mean, how dare you?
Thank God for human stupidity.
Else who knows
how many of us
would have dared
call ourselves poets.