The Ballad of a Lamenting Lunatic

I couldn't be the son you wanted
But trust me, I tried
I couldn't be the friend you wanted
But trust me, I tried
I couldn't be the brother you wanted
But trust me, I tried
I couldn't be the lover you wanted
But trust me, I tried

I tried it all
I tried not being the mess you see around
I tried not being the disaster you think I am
I tried it all

But, aren't we all entitled to failures?

I could never become the son you would have wanted me to
I could never let you in those dark alleys I sleep to every night
I could never live all of that dreamy life you had promised yourself to let me have
I could never do any of it
Did I want to?
Maybe I did, but maybe, just maybe, I wanted a life I could call my own more than a life of unnecessary debts and continual regrets

Is it too audacious to live for yourself for once?

I could never become the friend you would have wanted me to
I could never let you in all of my uncomfortable that I house
I could never be the midnight kerchief to your torments and tears
I could never do any of it
Did I want to?
Maybe I did, but maybe, just maybe, I had too many demons taking shape in the entrails, demons I couldn't let loose

Is it too harsh to live for yourself for once?

I could never become the brother you would have wanted me to
I could never let you in the open scars I hide behind the hundred smiles
I could never be the cornerstone you could look up to in your times of distraught
I could never do any of it
Did I want to?
Maybe I did, but maybe, just maybe, I had too many stories of my own, too many loose ends that could never be mended

Is it too ruthless to live for yourself for once?

I could never become the lover you would have wanted me to
I could never let you in the thousand tales that keep me awake every single night
I could never be the eyes every time you wanted to see the world just a bit differently
I could never do any of it
Did I want to?
Maybe I did, but maybe, just maybe, I was too scared to let you bleed every time you trod on the broken pieces of me like they were your morning meadow

Is it too dead to live for yourself for once?


Maybe I could have saved you all.
But then, who'd save me?