Irritable Bowel Syndrome

This might be for you if

you shat when you could have farted,

you farted when you could have just burped,

you burped when you could have just stopped swallowing junk.

This might be for you if

your asshole forgets adjusting

because your sphincter's dysfunctional

from your gut leaking god complex,

you gloriously replay all the times you shat,

not once wondering if a fart could have sufficed,

or maybe just an antacid.

This might be for you if

you and a public lavatory are one and the same

in tongue, teeth, ribs, spleen and gut,

and the other parts I forgot in farts;

you are never a good idea, 

but a desperate measure for a mild inconvenience, at best,

you mistake presence for significance, 

pants down for vulnerable, 

and when the air changes, 

you think stink is the smell of scripting history.

This might be for you if you're sure it isn't about you.